Little behind on the old blog, London town has been keeping me busy…
You know the saying- ‘It’s always darkest before the dawn.’ That was this week. And before the dawn could break I had to change. Not just say I would or plan to but really look at the negative cycles that hold me back. Then break them.
There’s absolutely no point in continually complaining about something if you never intend to better the situation.
I’ve taken this concept and shone the light on a few areas of my life, in regards to how I view relationships, work and my inner self. Funnily enough my shitty state of mind seemed to be connected to one thing- ALCOHOL!
I never used to drink as much as I do in London. It seems so acceptable to drink every night of the week. It’s just a given to enjoy a couple after work, at dinner, before a film, after a show, a gig and the list goes on.
But to me this means I’m escaping something every night of the week. I had to ask myself- what am I trying to escape? NB- I don’t drink every night but I found myself wanting to, which definitely worried me.
A few little lines from- ‘The Uses of Enchantment,’ by Bruno Bettelheim really stood out to me this week, you can- ‘accept the problematic nature of life without being defeated by it, or giving in to escapism,’ through psychoanalysis.
Soooo, I had to face my demons, without giving in to alcohol. For me it was not escaping but spending time by myself, exercising, catching up with good, positive friends. Working hard but finding time to relax.
I’ve not had a drink in 11 days. Which may seem easy, but it hasn’t been! For real change to take place you need to break the damn chains that hold you in the place you say you don’t want to be!
I haven’t gone in to the detail of the complete battle I fought. As I would more than likely ramble on. What is important is to recognise what’s trying to control your life. What negative, destructive patterns you’re stuck in and find a way out.
What I did this week- writer’s group on Monday which equaled a steak at the Slug and Lettuce, with Stu and Brendan, which equaled a thoroughly enjoyable night. Started work late on Tuesday and Thursday, which left me with more writing time before the daily grind. Winning!
Martine shouted me a lovely dinner at ‘Waggamama’ for my bleated birthday celebration. We dined on seafood soup and Asian ice cream treats. Lunch with Indu in the park on the Wednesday too. What a hump day!
Friday was my chill night. Saturday morning writing. Then off to Shoreditch for a walk, eat, talk tour, with Shelley. So much food and fun. Then met Alessandro my host from Lake Como for a a catch up, wandered through Spitterfield Markets. And after that was dinner for Ayisha’s birthday- Vietnamese, YUM!
Sunday was brilliant, the sun was out, I sat in the back yard, reading, researching, relaxing and writing all day! What a wonderful weekend.
- Funnily enough when I arrived for Ayisha’s birthday she was running late. So I met some of her friends at least. We chatted and waited at this really big table. The staff were putting pressure on us to find out when she was coming. She wasn’t answering her phone. There were only four of us. So we let them take some of the tables that had been reserved. An hour passed. Little by little our table space disappeared. And there were still only the four of us. We ordered and ate. Then left after an hour and half. Found out later she was at a restaurant across the road from us with the same name! It was a fun night none the less!
What I did that scared me:
- Sat in the bar by myself, not drinking. But writing instead, well done me!
- Walking through Shoreditch I found a beautiful garden in front of an old museum. I sat and contemplated life, ahhhh
- Talked to Liv, dad and mum on Sunday
- Eating the best bagel ever!
- Tried to rid myself of the boy disappointment. It just sux when you finally feel you have met someone special and they really aren’t at all!
- Wanting a drink really badly
- Reading about violence against women in the ‘Vagina Monologues’ (amazing book, everyone should put it on their list!)
What I learnt:
- If you want to change it’s not easy. But if it’s truly what you want, you will make it happen.