(Yes, I’m still behind on the blog but slowly catching up. It should only take another 73 years at this rate)!
I’ve spent hours, days, months and years chasing my dreams within the film industry (acting, film making and writing). Aiming to be ‘successful’. But I’ve come to realise ‘success’ is relative.
I used to think ‘success’ would be when I achieve all that I set out to do. However if I can inspire one person through things that I’ve already done- perhaps just by never giving up (who knows if that is delusional or not)- then that could be considered ‘success.’
It’s what you make it. No one can define it for you. Furthermore no matter who you are- achieving ‘success’ will not change the person inside.
What I mean by this is- I’m proud of my achievements but there’s still more I want to accomplish in my life. Although I’d be mistaken to believe that the issues I deal with now, would suddenly disappear if I achieved all my goals.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t have horrendous dark thoughts. I’ve spent a lot of time chasing my demons away but sneaky ones get in sometimes. However after the recent death of Robin Williams it’s clear that no amount of money, fame or perceived ‘success’ can take away the bad feelings you may have inside.
With this theme is mind it was a very chaotic week. I basically had a break down after my screenwriting program broke down. I was under pressure to prepare my script for the final round of the mentorship programme- in case I was picked.
What I failed to do was take a moment to look at the ‘success’ I’d just achieved by getting in to the top 20! No, I kept pushing on regardless.
However my computer had other ideas for me. I don’t need to go in to it but I tried everything humanly possible to get the it working- I even retyped 15,000 words. The funny thing was in the end I stressed for no reason as I didn’t even make it to the top 5.
But that’s beside the point- I made it to the top 20!
In the middle of this manic week I caught up with my fling and realised we’re on totally different pages. Not even close to reading the same book…ARG!
By the weekend I needed a break. I talked Jess into going to see a double movie. First we saw- ‘If I stay’ (wow, it was bad, but I guess it was probably made for 16 old girls). Then we popped into ‘Sex tape,’ which was brilliant! It was a much needed day off.
- ‘Sex Tape’ of course!
What I did that scared me:
- Snuck into the cinema- we only paid for the first film (so naughty)
- Abid’s film festival screening and meeting Alex (one of those people you randomly chat to about all the crazy thoughts you have and they believe all the same crazy things)
- Unexpected dinner date with Steph on Friday night
- Cooking breakfast cookies for all the girls at work
- Crying in the Apple store
- Another guy dead end
- Cancelling the 10k charity run I was supposed to do on Sunday- too tired
What I learnt:
- ‘Success’ is what you make it and it doesn’t change who you are either way…