Monthly Archives: December 2015

What I learnt this week: A little note on rejection

‘It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again.

Because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…’

Theodore Roosevelt

I wanted to start with this amazing quote because this week I was rejected. And it made me question whether I wanted to continue daring greatly…

On Monday morning I woke up with searing pain in my left shoulder which was pulsing into my brain. Fun times. I’m a firm believer that our emotions can cause pain to manifest physically in our bodies.

So what was going on for me?  Well…It was the day I found out if I graduated from being on the long list for a mentorship with Film Vic to the short list.  I waited all day; nervously anticipating.

I got the email-

‘Sorry but we don’t think you’re good enough. You’re a loser who should give up on writing. You’re not unique, funny or smart. You probably don’t have any friends and you will end up as a cat lady.’

Of course they didn’t really say that. But that’s how I felt after reading the email. Because when you put your work out there you’re being vulnerable and opening yourself up to criticism and rejection.

Needless to say I was devastated. Constantly getting close to something but still not getting there is tough. So I cried, I got drunk, I went to the gym (before I got drunk), I phoned a friend and I grieved.

The next day I woke up and the pain was gone. I felt rubbish because of the gin but something in me said- ‘yeah, you didn’t win but you know what; you were in the race.’

And that’s why the quote from our mate Teddy is so important- I showed up.  I tried. And I realised that’s what counted.  Being rejected didn’t take away from my hard work, it didn’t take away from me.  So, thankfully my body let go of the pain because I did.

The thing is rejection isn’t personal, everyone deals with it. And it will inevitably keep coming. But it doesn’t mean you give up. Because if you’re working towards something you want, that is what’s important. That’s what you hold on to. Nothing else matters but that you keep trying.

After the lows of the week, came the highs 🙂

The Christmas get togethers were in full swing-

  • Mum and I cooked a delicious salmon din dins and swapped pressies. (We’re heading to QLD for Chrissy and didn’t want to lug everything up there). One of my gifts was an adult colouring book. And let me tell you they’re awesome. If you want a little cheap therapy- get colouring!
  • Thursday night I headed into the city. Caught up with Hannah; we chilled by the river.  It was an incredibly beautiful evening in Melbourne, as we strolled through South bank after a Chinese feast
  • I hung out with Heather on Friday, who I haven’t seen since we left London. She’s a Sydney sider who has converted to a Melbournian, so I had the honour of taking her to a couple of my fav eating and drinking haunts in the city
  • And Saturday night there was a little celebration at ‘The Saint’ with Roz and her friends. Man, that place sure has changed (no more black holes; where you’re too scared for the lights to come on and see that the person you’re kissing is actually a zombie).  P.S. the food was sooooo good.

I did fit in a bit of work between the celebrations but the wind down of 2015 has very much begun…


What I learnt this week: Addicted much?

When I picture addiction I see a junkie high as a kite in a land far, far away from me. We all believe that person would never be us. Even if it is…

The truth is we’re all addicted to something. And we may not even realise it. Be it alcohol, chocolate, or checking our phone obsessively (not that I ever do that). The way you’ll know your addicted, is if you can’t suddenly have it, you’ll feel anxious.

And it’s funny how addiction can start so innocently.

We were in Albury for our last show of ‘Sleeping Beauty.’ The cast decided to head out for one final dinner. We scoffed a delicious pub meal and laughed over a couple of bevies. On the way out, Jac spotted a pockie machine.

We decided to play.

I put in $1 and lost. I was like stuff that. My money is gone. I can’t see how people get addicted to this s$%t! Then all of a sudden Lochie’s machine started going off. And it kept going. He won $250 from putting three bucks in the machine- just like that!

I decided if he could do it. So could I! I tried again and lost. Then I saw how easily it could be to get addicted- chasing the thrill of the illusive win. Luckily I didn’t have any more change so it was game over for me.

But was so easy to want it again. And it’s hard when you’re so deep into something. You have to recognise addiction for yourself and decided how to handle it. It’s up to you to make the choices that are right for you. It isn’t easy to stop. If it was it wouldn’t be addiction! But you can change. It just depends how much you want to…

After the fun and games that night we got up the next morning and performed our last show. I improvised a bit, something that I’m usually scared of.  Because my addiction is control. And I like to know my lines back to front, so I can control the outcome.

But I let go. I felt the fear leave my body. And I was there in the moment; free to speak my mind, (well Maleficent’s at least).

That was the last of my surprise ‘Sleeping Beauty’ tour. On Saturday we ended on a high with the entire Alpha company cast dinner at Fonda (I could get addicted to the amazing burritos there)! The mood was merry as we talked and laughed about all the shows of the year. Another great Christmas celebration!

Keep em’ coming 🙂



What I learnt this week: Connect the dots

I’ve noticed in life the harder you push for something the further away that goal sometimes seems.

Occasionally when I’m writing, I feel an idea floating illusively in my brain. I can’t quite grab hold of it. However I don’t want to give up. I want that damn idea! So I take out my lasso, which is usually no good (mostly because I don’t know how to use it) and try to wrangle it.

However I read an article this week in which scientists suggest the best way to deal with a blockage is to literally stare at a blank wall.  Because generally your brain has all the info, it just needs to play a bit of tetris and the pieces will come together without being forced.

That’s when you get the ‘aha’ moment!

I’ve also used menial tasks like washing the dishes or running and its worked to unlock ideas. And this week I was watching a TV show (taking a quick break from writing, I swear) and a particular scene made the last piece of the puzzle click for me. I finally had the full story for my new concept!

Inspiration can strike at any time and least of all when you expect it. Try not to over heat your brain- let the dots connect for themselves. Of course this doesn’t mean you can just be lazy and sit around- inspiration won’t strike that way! Believe me I’ve tried that too…

Be open to your ideas coming for different places.

In other news I was still on tour with the ‘Sleeping Beauty’ gang this week and was lucky enough to perform near Port Campbell. The night before the show I went for a long stroll along the cliff tops; listened to waves crashing on the rocks and felt the last rays of the sun on my face. It was magical.

It wasn’t all play though; we had a few shows around Victoria and I worked at the gym in between. Didn’t take long to get back into working life. Certainly doesn’t feel like I’ve had 2 months off…Thank God for the weekend!

Friday night was lovely, there was a party at my gym. I went with Roz; we ate hog roast and paella, topped off with a glass of champers. It set a celebratory tone for Sunday; when mum and I started the Christmas celebrations early and had Janette & Will over for lunch.

Geez, it’s only the end of November- looks like January will be a much needed detox month…