Monthly Archives: February 2016

What I learnt the week: You’ve got mail

I always believed that one day I’d get to a point and I’d know everything. I would be a completely sorted human (aka awesome zen master of the universe). But this week I was with Han at my new fav Mexican restaurant- Chingon and I realised I may be holding onto a fantasy…

It was the last time we’d catch up for a while, as she’s going to America for a few months. We sat on the rooftop drinking the world’s best margaritas and Han shared her apprehensions about heading to the US.

As humans we never stop wondering if we’re doing the right ‘thing.’ (Whatever that is). And our crummy thoughts will try to hold us back.

The way I see it is- when you wake up in the morning your inbox (brain) has had a delivery of spam overnight. You need to delete what you don’t need. Then open the useful emails and let them help you.

Because there won’t ever be a point you’re not getting spammed in life.   You just gotta keep going and delete the sh*t, (very eloquent I know).

My newfound mindfulness was further cemented this week when I finished the 30 day 1 Giant Mind challenge in meditation. This is something that I’ve never been good at, so I was exceptionally proud to finish!

When I wasn’t finding my inner calm I seemed to be working at the gym. I pretty much live there atm. But that’s cool because I’m enjoying getting to know the girls I work with. And enjoying getting to know the boys that come into the gym even more 😉

By the weekend I needed to relax. Tom headed back to Brissy on Sunday morning. So Friday and Saturday night we chilled, watched DVD’s and ate.  At times it was hard having him stay for 6 weeks (as the place is a bit small for 3 people). However once he was gone it felt like something was missing.

But life goes on (as it seems to do) and I got some much needed time to myself on Sunday. I wrote, I walked, I was.

 

Me and Han

What I learnt this week: Help me not help you…

If there’s a problem I’ll tell you how to fix it. Anything. Just tell me. There’s a way. There’s a plan. It can be done.  No matter the situation- I’ll fix it for you.

Except maybe you don’t want me to. Maybe you just want me to listen. Maybe you just want me to be there with you- sit in that moment.

Instead I start telling you what to do.

Sometimes it can be helpful, if that’s what you need to hear. Maybe you do want advice. Maybe that’s why you’ve called me. But maybe that’s not what you really need at all. Maybe you need empathy.  But what is empathy really?  This week I learnt what it isn’t.

I’m doing a course with Brene Brown through her Courage Works site. It’s incredible.  And very confronting.  I realised the way I ‘help’ people may not always be helpful. I’m a fixer by nature. I always have been. If I see a problem, I plan immediately how to fix it. And I do this for everyone (including myself).

Sometimes I just need to shut up and sit with someone and say sh*t that sounds tough. Maybe I can relate to them if I’ve been in a situation where I’ve felt what they’re feeling- shame, anger etc.  But I don’t need to try and fix the situation. Because I can’t-sometimes there’s not always an answer.  And forcing my ideas on someone may add to the stress the person is going through.

Apart from learning to hold my tongue (which is actually difficult both literally and metaphorically speaking), I mixed up the week with loads of work, writing and social outings…

It was Australia Day on Tuesday- headed to Hannah’s for a BBQ in the amazing Aussie sun. Drank yummy cocktails, ate succulent steak and salads and chatted to Han’s friends. I finally met Sylvie, who I’d heard so much about. You know those people you meet and you feel like you’ve known them forever; she’s one of those awesome sorts.

After smashing out double shifts at work, when Friday night came around it was time to relax. Headed to ‘Summalee Thai’ for Roz’s birthday celebration. Talked and laughed over spicy food and champers, which was lovely.  I wandered home that night, taking in the cool breeze and felt happy to be outside.

Happy just to wander.

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What I learnt this week: Do you have FOMO?

I’m very fond of random conversations with people I don’t know. There’s something so fascinating about finding a connection with a perfect stranger. And it’s even better when that person opens your eyes to something that changes your life…

I’ve been working at the gym for a few months now.  And there’s a cute guy that comes in regularly (not that I take too much notice). We’d never spoken- apart from the usual human greetings. However this week we had an interesting conversation.

We chatted about many things. But something that stuck with me was what he said about people driving in their cars and not looking happy. And he thought if they weren’t happy, then what’s the point?

Now, we can’t always be happy, that’s true. However this conversation led me to look at people when they’re driving (whilst trying not to drive into them).

And it appeared to me that no, in general people didn’t seem happy. But it wasn’t only that- they kinda seemed not there. Like they were zoned out and disconnected from the world.

It made me want to be present when I was driving.  And not just let the zombie in me take over. I wanted to be here on planet earth.

This being present thing is not something new.

And what I found was that when I practiced being more present in the car, it started to spill into other areas of my life. Like when I was walking during a beautiful sunset, or talking to friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while or watching a film or blah, blah, blah. The list is endless.

Really being here made me more aware of how much I can zone out.  And we all do it!

The funny thing is- we seem to live with such a strong sense of ‘Fear of Missing Out.’  But we are missing out on our own lives every day! When you don’t really listen to your friend or when you’re having a family dinner but you’re on FB or when you’re somewhere beautiful and you don’t even notice what’s right in front of you…

You’re missing out.

Because it’s not all the big things in life that are important (I mean they are but you know what I’m saying). It’s the every day life bits that we need to pay attention to. Otherwise it all flashes passed and we go- see ya bye 50 years of my life.

So don’t miss out.

This is actually really good advice for myself! Because it was a super busy week and all I seemed to do was run from working at the gym in sales or reception or teaching to working in the city with Tarz.

It was hectic and by the weekend I needed to stop and make sure I was actually taking in my life.

Caught up with Nicole M for a lovely evening at ‘Mexico City,’ (not the real Mexico City unfortunately).  We ate so much amazing food and laughed underneath the twinkling fairy lights in the courtyard.  It was the first time we had really hung out properly in 2 years!  Long overdue!

Me and Nic 3

On Sunday, Han I caught up on Chapel Street.  Had a little movie date and saw ‘The Danish Girl.’  Which was incredible.  We finished the night with yummy Vietnamese street food.  And as I drove home, I was ‘there.’

Just driving along the road of life.