As humans speaking about what we are truly feeling must be one of the most agonising things EVER. Or is that just me? Pretty sure it’s not…
Let me be clear I’m not talking about straight up complaining- seems most of us can manage that. I’m talking about when we have to tell someone they’ve hurt us and why. Or reveal our feelings for someone. Or stand up for ourselves, instead of saying ‘no worries’ at the time, then secretly harbouring intense hatred for that person.
I’m working on trying to be more honest in the moment. Or if not that moment, later admitting my feelings and why I wasn’t honest at the time.
Hold up, why wouldn’t I be honest in the moment? Well, the thing is when we speak our truth we are left exposed, vulnerable. Not a place where our mind likes to be, EVER. It may be hard but it does feel good to be honest.
At the end of the day I don’t want to lie myself and others about what I’m really feeling. Your emotions are valid. They only have a hold on you when you don’t let them out. If they stay stuck in your mind, you can’t be free.
You may be thinking I don’t really know exactly what you are getting at. Allow me to provide an example:
If your bestie regularly cancels on your gal pal dates at the last minute…You can A- do the same to her and be passive aggressive about the whole situation. Or B- you could go ‘hey luv, when you do that it makes me feel that you don’t value my time or our friendship.’ They’ll respond however they do (and you can’t control that) but either way you’ve done your best at getting it all out.
Of course romantic relationships are a little harder to navigate. There’s nothing worse than telling someone you care about that you’re ok when you’re not. Having the courage to speak up is how trust is built. Of course things may not work out in your favour but at least you were honest and you didn’t compromise yourself or what you felt.
If a relationship is not built on being open with one another, what is it really? And that goes for every relationship we have- with our friends, family, love and most importantly to ourselves.
Because you can lie to others but you cannot lie to yourself.
P.S. Was hard to find an image for this post. So I’m being abstract. This is part of the coastline where Spain and Portugal meet- from when I did the coastal Camino. Walking alone always help me think about whether I’m being honest in life or not. I know, pretty profound…