Monthly Archives: November 2016

What I learnt this week: No holding back

As humans speaking about what we are truly feeling must be one of the most agonising things EVER. Or is that just me?  Pretty sure it’s not…

Let me be clear I’m not talking about straight up complaining- seems most of us can manage that. I’m talking about when we have to tell someone they’ve hurt us and why. Or reveal our feelings for someone. Or stand up for ourselves, instead of saying ‘no worries’ at the time, then secretly harbouring intense hatred for that person.

I’m working on trying to be more honest in the moment. Or if not that moment, later admitting my feelings and why I wasn’t honest at the time.

Hold up, why wouldn’t I be honest in the moment? Well, the thing is when we speak our truth we are left exposed, vulnerable. Not a place where our mind likes to be, EVER. It may be hard but it does feel good to be honest.

At the end of the day I don’t want to lie myself and others about what I’m really feeling. Your emotions are valid. They only have a hold on you when you don’t let them out. If they stay stuck in your mind, you can’t be free.

You may be thinking I don’t really know exactly what you are getting at. Allow me to provide an example:

If your bestie regularly cancels on your gal pal dates at the last minute…You can A- do the same to her and be passive aggressive about the whole situation. Or B- you could go ‘hey luv, when you do that it makes me feel that you don’t value my time or our friendship.’ They’ll respond however they do (and you can’t control that) but either way you’ve done your best at getting it all out.

Of course romantic relationships are a little harder to navigate. There’s nothing worse than telling someone you care about that you’re ok when you’re not. Having the courage to speak up is how trust is built. Of course things may not work out in your favour but at least you were honest and you didn’t compromise yourself or what you felt.

If a relationship is not built on being open with one another, what is it really? And that goes for every relationship we have- with our friends, family, love and most importantly to ourselves.

Because you can lie to others but you cannot lie to yourself.

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P.S. Was hard to find an image for this post.  So I’m being abstract.  This is part of the coastline where Spain and Portugal meet- from when I did the coastal Camino.  Walking alone always help me think about whether I’m being honest in life or not.  I know, pretty profound…

What I learnt this week: No right, no wrong…

Its been a very interesting week in the world to say the least. American politics has gotten us all fired up. I experienced quite a debate when I expressed my views on Facebook. Friends either had very similar or very different views from me. It was quite intense and a lot was learnt…

I’m not a fan of either Hilary or Trump.   And I felt the real problem was that they were the only options the American people were faced with. But others disagreed. Then try as we might convince the other of our view it was futile. I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Because at the end of the day the last thing we need right now is more animosity.

I directly contacted the people involved with the online debate. As I don’t like bad blood, especially when people I respect are involved. Turns out we all learnt something from the exchange.

I realised that even though I felt valid in my opinion that others had a right to disagree, even if I disagreed with them.  And my friends shared that they looked deeper into what I getting at and in fact learnt stuff they didn’t know (about Hilary) or learnt that staying out of politics when one was upset was maybe the best way to go.

The important thing was that we were able to communicate and take ‘rightness’ out of the equation. Because at the end of the day an opinion can neither be right or wrong- that’s the nature of it. So getting caught up with what we think is right is truly senseless and only leads to disconnection.

There’s a beautiful quote- ‘if you have to choose between being kind and being right, choose being kind and you will always be right.’

And that my friend is the way forward. All this hatred in the media and social media will not take us forward. What has happened has happened, whether you believe it to be right or wrong.   The thing we must do now is respect other peoples choices.   Respect that though your view may differ, that is ok.

So at the time I felt upset about the debate- I’m now glad for the learning opportunity. It proved that if you can take your ego out of the situation and your need to be right, that you can learn a lot! And most importantly reaching out to others before a situation escalates is always a better way to go!

At the end of the day it’s a challenging time in the world. Not just with regards to the elections but general life stuff around the globe. But it’s also an opportunity where we can choose to become united or separated. If we let hate and the need to be right drive us- this will divide us. But if we can let go of the need to be right and let kindness be the answer our perspective can shift and bring us closer together.

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