Monthly Archives: February 2017

What I learnt this week: Love me not…so what?

Hmmm Valentines Day.  We’ve always had a love/hate relationship.  Me, hating to love a day that celebrates ‘couples.’  Relationship labels are something that really irk me.  And I mean who came up with this concept that we have to be with somebody anyway?  I’m not quite sure if finding the ‘one’ is something I want to aspire to anymore…

Over the last 32.75 years I’ve had some interesting relationships, none of which have lasted.  It has always been heartbreaking and horrible when they’ve ended.  My self-esteem has plummeted.  And a lot of those relationships were bad in the first place.  So what is it that’s so great about being with someone?

Sure it’s nice to do things together (but you can also hang with friends).  And it’s comforting to sleep beside someone (well, actually I sleep better alone). Hey, you can have sex anytime you want, (who in a long term relationship is really having a lot of that anyway)?

I’ve spent more time on this planet out of relationships than I have in them.  And to be honest I actually feel better and more productive when I’m not concerned about someone else and what they want.  Maybe that makes me selfish.  I really don’t care.

The thing is I refuse to spend my life wishing I was with someone and making myself miserable.  Instead I want to of enjoy the state I find myself in.  The grass isn’t always greener.  In fact sometimes it’s a murky, muddy swamped filled with shit.  Yes, I’ve learnt that the hard way.

Of course there have been relationships I’ve loved.  And I’ve learnt more about myself through the process of getting to know someone else.  Genuinely connecting with another human is a beautiful thing.  Oh and I don’t hate men- if someone awesome comes along I’m open to the possibilities. I just don’t feel less complete because I’m not with someone.

Sure I feel lonely sometimes but so do people in relationships.  Everyone does.  No matter if you’re with someone.  It’s a part of life we have to deal with.  And we have to do it alone.  No-one can fill that void for you.

I’m also happy for happy couples.  If two humans find they bring more to each other’s life than they subtract, well awesome.  If they don’t then being with someone is just another arbitrary exercise of the modern world.  Which is complete b*llshit.

Of course relationships are not always about being happy but they are about communicating.  It’s something that can be worked on and evolve.  Or not. It’s better to break up if your relationship just isn’t working. Because being with someone just because you’re scared to be alone is not a great place to find yourself in.  Ever.

At the end of the day everyone is different and views relationships differently.  As long as what you have works for you- then power to you!  I don’t speak for everyone not currently with someone but I speak for me- on Valentines Day I don’t sit at home drinking gin, surrounded by 10 cats and feel sorry for myself.   I’m perfectly ok just as I am.

What I learnt this week: Not guilty…

Recently Melbourne saw the senseless deaths of 6 people going about their day, oblivious to that fact they were about to be brutally killed. It was incredibly horrible and completely tragic.

 A friend text me to make sure I wasn’t involved. As I composed my response (to say I was ok) an overwhelming feeling of guilt washed over me due to the fact I was completely unaffected. WTF?

And funnily enough my friend wrote back and said she was glad but felt guilty about being relieved I was completely fine. Again WTF?

I thought about it, then I wrote back – ‘It’s not wrong to want the people you love to be safe, when you are in no way responsible for the callous actions of others. He’s the only one that should feel guilt. And it also doesn’t mean you don’t feel sympathy for the families affected.’

The thing is why should we have felt guilt? We didn’t do anything wrong. There are too many things we can feel guilty about in life.   I mean sometimes I feel guilty  about feeling guilty!  Taking on someone else’s guilt doesn’t seem to be a healthy thing to do!

  Guilt seems to be an inescapable emotion no matter how carefully we try to avoid it. Whether we should feel it or not is another question. But I do know it’s ridiculous to feel guilty for things we have no control over!