So this is me…

It has been said that you learn something new every day, but writing a blog every day is a bit of a stretch, for me at least.  And I don’t want you to get sick of my ramblings!

Each week I’ll share my life with you- the highs, the lows, and of course what I learnt during the week.  Hoping to provide you with perhaps a bit of enlightenment or a laugh at least.

2 thoughts on “So this is me…

  1. I just finished reading “My Big Moment” in the October edition of Skirt magazine. As I read, I felt that my future self could actually be the same person writing the article.

    Last summer, I was violently raped. Unfortunately, that was not the first time. I, too, believed that the only use I was to men was for sex. Nothing else. My self esteem plummeted, I sank into a deep depression, having nightmares and flashbacks. I lost my job because I was unable to function. In short, my world was a downward spiral.

    I recently began treatment for PTSD–a very complex case, as I had also been traumatized as a child. Before therapy, I was nearly catatonic, lying in bed day and night, crying, staring at the walls or numbing myself enough so I could “sleep it off. ” This went on for months on end. I have only been receiving trauma based therapy for a few months. At first, I felt relieved to know my diagnosis and that help was available. However, digging into the recesses of the pain I endured made the process more difficult and I avoided my sessions.

    It was not until I tried to take my own life, thankfully, unsuccessfully, that I was able to be completely honest with therapists and doctors. Now, I am getting the help that I so desperately needed all along.

    It took immense courage for you to write your article. I am so glad that you did, because I could identify with the range of emotions that you described. It was a relief to know that I was not the only one who suffered this way. What resonated with me the most, was the realization that I can and will do BIG things, even though I am doing it moment by moment presently. I do believe in loving myself every day. The better I treat myself, the more I heal. Anything from meditation, to finding and rescuing a stray dog who is nothing short of a Godsend.

    I plan to make him a therapy dog for others who have experienced difficult times. The rape also opened my eyes to the lack of immediate support and assistance for survivors of rape in my area. As I heal, I also envision starting a nonprofit safe house where victims are able to receive immediate medical care and a rape kit. (Currently, there is only ONE hospital in a tri-county area who performs rape kits.) The safe house that I envision will also have law enforcement, social workers, and therapists to immediately respond to the victim’s needs.

    It may be just a pipe dream but I think that if we put our heads together, a better solution is screaming out to be born. Yes, people can survive rape and other trauma. It’s my feeling that we give survivors as many tools as possible to thrive, not just survive.

    One day at a time, and ready to live a BIG life.

    1. Thank you for sharing Jessica. It means so much to me that you contacted me and that my story touched you. It’s an all too common story unfortunately. And the support just isn’t there for survivors. I am happy to know that you have gone through the darkest part. Although it will still take healing you have done what you needed to get through.

      And I think it’s an incredibly beautiful idea re your new dog and safe house. And this is what the article was about for me. Sexual assault victims can feel so lost and disempowered. That they are worthless and not capable of getting through the pain and moving on to create a better life.

      But this is not true. Bad things happen. As long as we deal with them, we can move on, we can grow and we can live the life we really want. It is possible, no matter how dark it looks at the time.

      I wish you all the very best.

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